im already gone......

sorry i havent written in awhile. ive been so busy. im going to the state fair tomorrow so ive been getting ready for that. anyway the situation with zach hasnt changed much just the fact that he knows about it. and hes up at the state fair too so that will be fun to go and hang out with him. well i just want to dedicate a song to zach beach. the song is..... gone by kelly clarkson. it totaly explains all of my feelings toward him. hes such a mess. living on his own, got drugs and smoking in the mix too. he thinks hes sooo cool but i wish he would see how much hes messed his own life up by doing this. i wish him luck but leave me out of it. dont call, dont text, just leave me alone. cuz im already gone.

.....

i guess i just wanted to check in. i dont rele have that much to say. i just think that i might be in love with my best friend and i cant talk to him for another week. im going to die before ill get to talk to him again. well idk about that but something close to it. and im rele mad that he said that he would call on my birthday and he didnt so im kinda mad at him right now. but i cant be cuz i want to talk to him. just to hear his voice wud be relief. i call his fone like at least once a day just to listen to his voicemail message. i think it helps me keep my sanity. i dont even know wat im feeling anymore. this is all so new to me. i feel like im going to die cuz i cant talk to him. i just miss him sooo much and he will never know how much that i love him cuz were only going to be friends. i swear. i wont let him be my boyfriend. i wont. i want to be the only one of his friends (who r girls) that he hasnt dated. i promise. well im going to go have a nice long ponder over my thoughts. and probly leave him a voicemail. haha. ttyl

new problem.....

well i no ur going to freak but i think i have feellings for zach. the friend zach. i dont know wat to do. i cant stop thinking bout him and i think im going to go crazy when i cant talk to him for 2 weeks wen he goes to band camp. ugh!!! but i cant tell him how i feel cuz im sooo afraid that it will damage our friendship. but idk how long i can keep this to myself. thank god that i have this so i might be able to hold on alittle longer. well aside from that lifes good. i got a job babysittin 2days a week. it doesnt pay alot but it works. haha and my birthdays on tuesday so that will be soo cool. i get an icecream cake!! yay! and im testing for my permit on monday. so i hope that i get it. it will be nice to drive leagaly. haha. oh and i love taylor swifts new song you belong with me. it totaly relates to my life right now. well i shud get going. i do have other things to do.

im back!

hey so im back from state convention and it was the fastest week of my life. i made some new friends and i realized that i never want ex zach back. he is so wierd and hes changed so much that it makes me want to throw up. he got an earing and he looks rele gothic. im almost scared of him. but other then that it all good. i got silvers in all my contests so that was good. i was a delegate so i got to experiece voting for the first time. i cant belive that its saturday alrede. i just got done talking to zach and hes tired i think i didnt talk to him that long. i met some of his exs. but i was weird that we all hung out. oh and i gave like 5,ooo hugs this week. ive never huged so many people in my life. like one morining, i was hanging out with some of zachs friends that i didnt know and i hugged them and then this guy named matt who i met cuz i hugged him. it was quite random at times but it was sooo much fun. i loved it and if just got the weeked off and cud get some sleep i would do it all over again. that was so fun i dont even have words to describe all the emotions i felt. but anyway, im back and im already missing my friends. well i shud go. ttyl

sometimes....

sometimes i get really mad at my brother and i want to kill him i mean i actualy want to kill him. i think about it alot but then i come to my sences and realize that it would be illogical. anyway that was not wat i wanted to talk about. i really wanted to talk about my exboyfriend zach (no not the friend zach this is a differnt one hehe!). ive been thinking alot about him lately and i dont know wat to do about it. well it all started wen i thought that ex zach(ex bf) wasnt going to be at state convention and i was thinking that this year was going to be rele fun cuz i dont have to see him. well he was txting me one night and he asked me wat was going on and i said that i was getting excited for state. then he said that he was too. at that point i was flipping out. so i txted my friend zach and told him wat i knew and he rele helped calm me down. god i luv my friend zach. well as a result i got my fone taken way cuz we got talking and before i knew it it was 2 in the moring. so my mom yelled at me and i got my fone taken away but i got it bac today!! hooray!! anywhoo, bac to wat i was talking about. well since i lost my fone ive been thinking alot about ex zach and how he might of changed. i think that i want to get to know him again. i will see him in about 2days and im kinda excited. if any of my friends knew that i was they would yell at me cuz none of them like him. they all think that he is a creeper(well i do to but i dont care). but today wen i got my fone bac i tried to txt him i found out that his number was dissconected. i was so mad and sad all at the same time. but he will get a piece of my mind at state thats for sure. hehe!! im sooo glad that none of my frends can see this they would be so mad at me and all that. well i suppose that i should go for now i think that i might blog to much. its soo easy to get carried away in wat ur saying that it all just comes out. it releaves alot of things on my mind. well i need to go. ttyl

omg i forgot!

hey long time no posts! haha weelll i kinda forgot that i even had this thing and i was reading my old posts and i laffed at my latest one. god that was so long ago. well heres an update. me and eric.....never got anywhere. in fact it all went down hill from that day it seems. oh well i dont think that i feel the same way about him anymore. nothing much else. were out of school and all that. but.... ffa state convention is next week and im soooo excited and nervous im going to go insane! well im mostly excited to spend the week with all my friends which will be awsome. but my ex will be there and im afraid it will be like last year and it will be disatorus. but still i think it wont be so bad. today we went to a practice for our contests and that was incredebly boring. i was like going crazy. i think the food science team will do good this year. we kinda know wat were doing but ya neva no. well i g2g hope to post later in the week. ttyl (i think! hehe)

oh my god!!!!

today was a great day! it started out kinda blah but eric got to sit by me and it was a lot of fun. then it was boring through math band and voag. then after lunch we went to science and had to listen to mrs. burian blab on and on about your self immage. it was quite anoying. then gym was fun. we played this random game called pickle ball. eric and me were like so board. then when we came out of the locker rooms and eric came out with a tie. he put it part way in his pocket while he was putting on his sweatshirt. i then grabed it out while he was still in his sweatshirt. he then said," i know you took it!!" and i then tried to put it around my head and he snached it off. he then tried to do the same thing but then i grabed it back. he was trying to grab it from me and i ended up backing up. then he started pushing me into the wall and i accidently bumped him on the nose. i then put the tie around my neck so he couldnt get it off and he said that wasnt fair cuz he cant grab at it like i can. he just grabed the end and tried to pull it off. well i kinda gave it to him and i then said i was sorry for hitting him in the nose. and the funny thing was that alot of people were around when that was happening. and then little nick started singing eric and tulsa sitting in a tree k i s s i n g. u know that song that we us to chant wen we played tag. i then spent my english class sitting and thinking about him. Megirl thinks that eric likes me but i still am a little doubtfull. but everyone thinks that we are together anyway so why cant we cant just be gf/bf. i mean i really like him but he must be blind. gosh i hope no one tells him about this blog. that would be just embarassing. i like him and i pray every night that he feels the same way about me. but i havent even told you about the dreams. well i think im boring you. ttyl